Tabloids Are Stopping Your Kids From Staring in the New Celebrity Sex Tape

by Gabriel Hummel on September 8, 2010

The best fake id to get into a bar or restaurant. McLovin id will not fail you.

Underage drinking, partying past your bedtime, coitus with a random bar goer, just another typical night for your standard 18 (gasp 17) year old.

Who doesn’t remember getting shit faced until 5am and then sneaking back into your parents house, only to discover that your clever rouse was ruined the moment your mother’s spider sense went off faster than your first sexual relations.

A few key tabloids in New York are sending their fresh meat interns off into the abyss that s the NYC nightlife and restaurant scene and seeing if they come back with all their limbs intact.

They are not only coming will all appendages attached, but they may have even scored a drink and some narcotics from the seedy looking guy at the back of the club.

underage drinking

What I want to know is why the hell these tabloids feel a need to run around and police all the major nightclubs? Are they secretly hoping that everyone will watch continual reruns of High School Musical until Care Bears are coming out of their ass?

One way or another, young kids (read: adults too) do stupid shit, they drink, they do drugs, they have promiscuous sex. Whether or not you like it has nothing to do with it, the fact is that it will happen.

From firsthand experience as a night club manager, I can tell you that no matter what city you are in, no matter how young you are, if you are a smoking hot blonde with great “brains” and some gumption about you, I promise there will be no refusal to any establishment of your choosing.

Clearly we all need to watch some Lion King right now, less we all end up shooting heroin and dancing until Moby becomes our favorite artist of 2010.

lion king sex and subliminal messages

Buying kids booze

Gabriel

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella September 9, 2010 at 6:56 am

Hehe what a great idea. I can’t wait to read all about it!

Reply

Gabriel Hummel September 9, 2010 at 5:14 pm

@Lorraine

I cant wait for sting operations to invade middle school parties, it will likely be the biggest sex ring and coke busts in the history of the ATF

Reply

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