Corn Syrup, Corn Sugar, Corn Flakes, Corn Rolls

by Gabriel Hummel on September 16, 2010

Corn flakes and corn rolls

What’s the difference? Soon it will only be a gaped tooth rapper and green rooster with an ever expanding bosom.

The Corn Refiners Association has decided that a rebranding is in order after the entire nutrition industry decided to lynch any ideas of high fructose corn syrup ever entering our blood streams.

They have even launched a nifty new website to showcase the heavenly like qualities of the new and improved, corn sugar

The name ‘corn sugar’ more accurately reflects the source of the food (corn), identifies the basic nature of the food (a sugar), and discloses the food’s function (a sweetener),” the petition said.

Well shit, I need to rename the partially hydrogenised oil in my Twinkies as radioactive waste then Hostess can not only better represent their product to their customers, but they will have no lawsuits on their hands when everyone starts turning into fat crab people.

crab people south park

Here’s the bottom line people, why the hell are prepackaged food manufactures so akin to using this biological concoction?

  1. It tastes good
  2. Its heavily subsidized and therefore cheap
  3. Sugar is the devil
  4. It tastes really good

In a perfect world I could walk into my corner store and get freshly homemade Reese’s Peanut Cutter Cups with 80% dark chocolate and rich Peanut Butter & Company Cinnamon Raisin Swirl, but alas, my life has yet to reach such levels of rose tinted glory.

Homemade reeses peanut butter cups

Until then you should probably stick to eating more real food, stop being so god damn lazy about turning on your stove, and when you are baking a massive batch of gingersnap cookies use sugar because as good as HFCS can taste, sugar tastes about a million times better.

Taking a sugar bath to wash off the HFCS


{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Iron Chef Shellie September 17, 2010 at 5:46 am

A shiny, slick website can disguise anything can’t it. Really bad CGI corn fields too may I add.

Although i’d really love to try a Reese’s Peanut Cutter Cup. Might have to go to the USA Food shop here again!


Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella September 17, 2010 at 11:28 am

So true, HFCS is so bad for you! Although something now and then won’t be too bad but nothing beats home made real food 🙂


Gabriel Hummel September 17, 2010 at 5:40 pm


I thought CGI corn was the healthiest and tasted the best?


Truer words have never been spoken darling


Katie Parla September 17, 2010 at 8:52 pm

a sugar bath. never thought of that. i dare say you expand my horizons gabriel.


Gabriel Hummel September 18, 2010 at 3:13 pm


Its a dirty job, but I like it


Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: