Paula Deen Puts Down the Donut and Picks up a Carrot

by Gabriel Hummel on October 5, 2010

paula deen deep fry chicken

The woman who would likely deep fry lard and then laden it over a piece of Oreo cheesecake has decided to shelve the buckets of sour cream and stick her Botox injected face on the packages of celery sticks and apples everywhere.

She has stated that she is working with farmers and food producers and hopes to have the healthy bits (gasp) in stores by year’s end.

I can only imagine the horror as children bounce up in down in commercials asking for mommy to recreate the deep fried peanut butter celery sticks as described on the recipe card attached to the Paula Deen’s Celery in a Bag product line.

deep fried celery sticks

Without making the centerpiece of this post all about how Paula Deen has been seen sticking her fist in a mayo jar, the light at the end of the tunnel is likely to culminate with more fruits and veggies being sold in grocery stores.

This positive side effect is likely to occur as the recent runs of extreme carrots and broccoli have shown increases in produce sales in our special-ed nation to the north. Having Paula Deen’s mug plastered all over boxes of Oranges in Costco is likely to get more irate mother’s to consider the radical notion of cutting up their own pineapple instead having of having the fine immigrants of Whole Food’s perform said action for them.

lazy mom on segway pushing baby

Paula Deen is becoming the Martha Stewart of the food world recently, with a run of restaurants, furniture, mattresses, magazines, and boxed mixes, why not add some peas and cabbage to increase the bottom line?

Hopefully her campaign will showcase the joy of simple and delicious food to mother’s everywhere and distract me from the perverse day dreams of Paula Deen running around naked in a cream puff wonderland.

Thank god for veggies


{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

april moses March 9, 2011 at 4:17 am

i love you show i watch your shows every time your i love watchn you cook an make some of your best dishes an i write some of them on paper an i also have your book also i love it my family loves it also.. your my role model i love to cook i sure do.


Gabriel Hummel March 9, 2011 at 4:27 am


What the fuck?



janice phillips April 20, 2011 at 5:32 pm

i enjoy everything you do, but i am looking for the fruit centerpiece you made with the pineapples and other fruit


janice phillips April 20, 2011 at 5:34 pm

can you send me the reciepe for the fruit centerpiece


Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: