eBay + Sanda Lee + Tablescapes = Martha Stewart Suicide

by Gabriel Hummel on October 11, 2010

sandra-lee-garden-party-ebay

The horror

The horror!

Remember the last time you watched Sandra Lee on TV and wanted to burn your retinas at the mere glimmer of one of her nightmare on elm street table decorating sprees?

What if I told you that all of the major holidays have been combined into one and Sandra is celebrating by selling her tablescape monstrosities to the unsuspecting masses?

Yes friends, we are in fact witnessing the Food Network version of 2 girls and one cup

2 girls 1 cup poster

Say hello to eBay and Sandra Lee’s auctioning of 13 holiday themed tablescapes that starts today.

http://cgi3.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewUserPage&userid=foodnetwork

Did you see the Asian themed one?

That one looks like Tim Burton had sex with a purple Godzilla and created a table that only Barney could love.

barney drunk and arrested

Now that this table setting catastrophe is nearly behind us (I nearly destroyed my back button on my internet browser once I stumbled upon that page), the real question of the evening remains…

Who the hell is going to buy this crap?

Look, don’t get me wrong, I am all for charity auctions and buying small porcelain cats that look retarded as shit just so some kid in Mumbai can afford to eat potatoes and milk tonight.

charity bikini car wash

But what person in their right mind would actually use these diabolical contraptions in their home?

No one, short of a mentally challenged HGTV fan girl would dare put these setups in their living room for their neighbors to see and call the police, thinking a bomb had exploded in the Robinson’s living room.

Waiting for the auctions to end so I can begin the hate mail.

Gabriel

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Rodzilla October 12, 2010 at 5:58 am

The only thing I hate more than Sandrazzle is Guy “le duche” Fieri.

Yeah, I said thing. I meant it.

Reply

Gabriel Hummel October 13, 2010 at 4:42 pm

@Rodzilla

If I had a paper bag, it would already be permanently asphyxiated to that man’s face.

Reply

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