CNN just released a list of the top 10 cities in America for the best Trick or Treating, and if I was a straight out of wedlock child I would surely strap this list to my chest and buy a RTW tickets as soon as humanly possible.
I am talking about the mother loads here people, kiss those lame raisins and mini sized versions of Kit Kats combined and score yourself some king size Hershey bars and enough corn sugar to send hipster mom’s into a catatonic shock.
Apparently this list is based on home revenues (more $ = a hell of a lot more candy), walking distance (because your fat ass wont be able to move after eating 2 pounds of Laffy Taffy), and crime index (you don’t want to have to shank a robber for trying to steal your Gobstoppers).
Overall, I feel that this is a strong list, and it certainly is making me consider the rabid notion of dawning a white sheet and traversing across the USA in order to procure as much candy as humanly possible (or the most I can carry on a plane before I get flagged for smuggling anthrax in 1000 Snickers bars).
A 12 year old girl girl in the news report had the audacity to say,
“I usually get too much candy and I don’t eat all of it”
I say, knock that amateur to the ground and let the real trick or treaters come out to play. Give her a ring pop and she’ll do just fine by the end of the night when her road burn clears up.
Damn I wish I was 10 again