NYC Fucks Up By Not Reading My Article On Tipping

by Gabriel Hummel on November 3, 2010

boats can tip so can you tipjar

Every once in a while, an article comes along that blows my god damn mind, this is one of those articles.

A growing number of bars and restaurants in NYC are beginning to implement a mandatory tipping system of wallet stomping magnitudes.

In order to offset the apparent rampant lack of tipping in NYC as a result of international travels to the city that never sleeps, several of NYC’s hotel bars have decided to lay down the law with mandatory 18-20% tips on tabs.

Bear in mind, this add on is unavoidable, if you leave a meager tip on the table for mediocre service, they will still add the difference to your credit card statement.

To continue this customer service “pansy” scheme, they are adding mandatory tip add ons for lewdly expensive cocktails. Imagine paying 26$ for a double Beefeater and then laying down a mandatory 5$ tip on top of that, despite the fact that the bartender might have been smoking crystal meth in the coat closet with the hostess when you were looking for a drink.

nivea coat room sex

Look, I have been a server, bartender, and worked with/in a variety of culinary institutions, some people wont tip you because you sucked that day, others wont because they are dicks, and most of the time, if you know damn well anything about conversing with people, you will talk away with a nice fat tip (especially at upscale establishments such as the ones in this article).

While the server inside me is screaming,

“Quit your bullshit job right now, move to NYC, and panhandle tables like a sleazy bastard until you make enough money to retire to the Cayman islands”.

evil-scheming

The diner in me, however, is thinking.

“This is fucking bullshit, if I get a dumbass waiter/bartender/coat bitch I damn well have the right to tip them 0-30% pending on my BAC and how good the service was/how much I am considering sleeping with them.”

Hooters_90s

In reality, I have to go with the white horse and say that NYC bars have their heads so far up their ass that they can see inner bowel version of 9/11 on the horizon.

Will some European’s skip tipping because they don’t know any better? Sure

Could you alleviate it by placing a box in a receipt asking patrons to tip for services rendered (bigger than some random tip box that runs on every receipt on the face of the earth)?

Hell yes

Man up NYC, I know the cost of living is high but don’t go out fo your way to screw everyone else over just because you don’t have the balls to ask for a tip from your non English speaking visitors.

Keep good tips alive

Gabriel

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