The Never-Ending Food Gravy Train

by Gabriel Hummel on November 8, 2010

smooth gravy train

Riddle me this my gluttonous friend, what options does one have in terms of procuring food at 2am on a Tuesday night in our humble states?

Taco Bell?


Grocery Stores?

Dunkin Donuts?

The list is nearly endless.

Image the same scenario in France, but double take that am for a pm, what are your choices?

Well unless you find a doner kebab station ran by domestic intruders, you will be sorely SOL anywhere outside of Paris.

But even this notion pulls a complete 180 once nightfall dawns, and before you know it the streets are ridden with food ravaging Frenchmen with a baguette in one hand and a jar of Nutella in the other


Food is in abundance beyond all rationale in any area of commerce in the world right now. From Dubai to Denver, a person can pretty much guarantee that they can eat to their hearts content at nearly any given moment at any degree of latitude and longitude on this fair planet.

What is one to do in a state of overwhelming options? Do we eat ourselves into a drunken stupor and wake up the next morning with our hands in a bag of Doritos?


This could be a logical rationale for why America has been getting so fat, but even England and Australia have as abundant access to Twinkies as we do, and yet they aren’t massing the pounds faster than a cake orgy at a fat camp.

But I digress, what are we suppose to do with this bountiful food harvest? While many people choose to condemn it or embrace it, I think the most sensible route lies in the road less traveled.

Accept it for what it is, but don’t abuse and/or berate it.

Yes, being able to buy 12 pints of ice cream at any given moment for under 15$ and partake in a one man eating competition is probably not a good idea of anyone, but it is equally a bad idea to turn your nose up at the notion of eating past 11pm on a weeknight.


I say let bygones be bygones and take precious time to spend an equal amount of time abusing and using the bountiful harvest that has been offered to us, while not scrutinizing or calling blasphemy on buying oranges at 2am at your local supermarket, in Ohio.

Don’t find yourself mistakenly subscribing to a nutritional or environmental dogma that will end up looking and feeling short sighted in the long run, embrace the fact that you can buy citrus in the middle of November.

Local, deep fried, organic, cream intoxicating, it really doesn’t matter, just get things that you love and find a sweet medium in the supermarket system that is in no hurry to be replaced by millions of small organic farms that everyone participates in while smoking hash and singing campfire songs.


I say live abundantly smart, embrace the tools you are given, and quit being such a fucking snark about food before you find yourself only eating organic flax seed crackers in order to survive.

Making soccer moms cry everywhere


{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Laura November 24, 2011 at 8:44 pm

Yeah, we don’t have twinkies in England.


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