An Ode to Ice Cream

by Gabriel Hummel on November 30, 2010


Oh ice cream, let me count the ways I love thee as much as a good lay

You are always so smooth and creamy

You never judge me, whether I am feeling up or down

You always taste so, damn, good.

I don’t know exactly why I love ice cream so much, at any given moment I am contemplating why I don’t have a spoon and a pint of sinful goodness in front of me. Its like chasing that first time you ever got high, except every time you come back it always feels just as good.

Let me count the ways to my heart


Ben and Jerry Pumpkin Cheesecake


Pagota Baklava Ice Cream


Haagen-Dazs Banana Foster

These are but only a tease to the glory that is frozen cream with sugar and eggs. It’s simple beauty at its absolute finest.

Just like the cultural rainbow of beautiful young women in the world, there are an amazing variety of ice creams to choose from. Custard, frozen yogurt, sorbet, gelato, all exist to fulfill your every desire.

They even have ice cream for all the vegans of the world: coconut, rice, soy, and hemp all exist to fill your meat fantasies.

Apparently ice cream got its start about 400 BC when Persians would pour grapefruit juice over snow for a treat. By 18th Century recipes for ice cream were being published in newspapers. Today you cannot walk out of your house without getting flirting with a college girl working behind the counter at a do it yourself frozen yogurt place.

Love it and embrace it, because you will surely fall under its spell. Ice cream will forever be there for depressed women, children, and lustful adults alike. Just try not to eat the whole carton during your blissful spoon armed nights.

Long live the cold creamery


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