Classically Trained Fruit Explodes In Japan

by Gabriel Hummel on December 3, 2010


Catchy title huh?

Japan, in their infinite wisdom and legions of anime porn, harajuku girls, and cell phones that double as nuclear defense systems discovered that classical music may actually make fruit sweeter than say a fruit that is exposed to death metal.

Toyoka Chuo Sieka ripens their fruit in a standard ripening chamber, with the pinky finger of the room on its edge as they continuously play Mozart over the speakers.


Apparently, they are not the sole proprietor of music sweetened food. The trend caught fire over three years ago and has found its way into soy sauce, udon noodles, sake, mushrooms, miso, and even “Beethoven Bread”.


Next well here about how Mozart music being played during the egg’s of Godzilla maturation will result in peaceful, timid, zoo-friendly Godzilla monsters.


Have studies proven this crackpot theory on us humans? Of course it relaxes us, but I will believe that fruit is really sweeter when they start saying that every child that was played classical renderings as a fetus grows up to be the next Steve Jobs.

Sorry Japan, as much as I love your renderings with seafood, cartoons, technology, and culture; stay the hell away from my bananas.

Going ape-shit


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