Save Las Vegas

by Gabriel Hummel on December 15, 2010

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I would like you to sign a petition, but not any ordinary one.

hippie-jam-fest

This isn’t a petition to outlaw meat eating or a plot to create a hippie jamfest at some town in Middle America; it’s for something far more important.

Vegas is dying.

Recently, the last big attraction for a long while in Vegas opened, The Cosmopolitan.

cosmopolitan-vegas

The $3.9 billion dollar resort is opening during a time of economic crisis for the sin city, where the tourists just aren’t coming in droves to get drunk and party until they wake up in the bed of a welcoming stranger.

I contest that Vegas is a city that everyone needs, it is a staple of American society as much as it is a blemish. Where else can one person achieve legalized prostitution, open container alcohol polices, and overpriced shows involving musicians that are way past their prime?

wayne-newton-funny

I love Vegas, it represents all that is impure and unholy in the world, and it doesn’t make any excuses for what it is, it knows damn well that you come to their city to play hard. Yet, everyone seems to be blowing them off.

People, let me serve as your gatekeeper to sin filled glory, you can go and party your ass off in Vegas for next to nothing these days.

From the Hard Rock café to the Bellagio and everything in-between, you can go to Vegas as a lowly commoner and come out a king (or queen) with only spending a parsley amount of money.

You can get into all the nightclubs for free with online services such as freevegasclubs, you can stay in luxurious hotels for under 50$ a night, you can get comp tickets for shows, hell, you can even eat and drink for free for every meal with a small amount of homework.

So why aren’t you there right now?

Are you seriously about to let the great sin city of America die on its hands and knees? It is your American duty to drink copious amounts of alcohol and fist pump our way to victory until dawn, anything less is unacceptable.

I expect to see emails from Vegas madness within the next week, otherwise I will have to disown all of you.

Keep Vegas alive.

Gabriel

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