Should U.S. Airlines Fix Their Holiday Retardedness?

by Gabriel Hummel on January 13, 2011


Yes and fucking yes

As I sure you are well aware of, this past holiday season, hundreds of thousands of travelers suffered flight delays or cancellations for the past month as a result of mother nature having her period.


It was a disaster of epic proportions and that combined with the more strict flying regulations,  pornographic scanners, old man pat downs, and an already wrist slashing experience with airlines made for the breaking point for many passengers, including yours truly.

How is this fly-by backstabbing any different than if you enter a restaurant and order an Ahi tuna steak, only to find out that the steak is a low the quality of protein. It’s not the server or the chef’s fault if the quality of the meat is subpar, but it is their responsibility to assist their customer and offer appropriate compensation for the poor experience.


The airline industry is a heavily weighted customer service industry. While you may (should) buy your tickets online and get all necessary boarding passes, luggage, and drug mules arranged prior to your departure, from that point forward the airline is cradling you in their frail arms from the airport to the landing of the plane. If Godzilla attacks the airport and destroys all the planes causing a flight cancelation, I shouldn’t be comped peanuts and a free slumber party at the airport; I should get some free swag.


Yes, its not the airlines fault that the government has a stick of their ass with regulations.

Yes, the airline is hurting for profits more and more each year.

Yes, I still don’t give a fuck.

The airline needs to stop just waiving rebook fees, comping airport food, and paying for hotels, they need to come out and admit that they had no failsafe plan for anyone in case a situation like this had arisen. After ass kissing, then they needed to hand out vouchers for free mileage and sincerely offer your deepest apologies while liquoring up your clients and/or offering fellatio.


Personally I vote for a money machine and strippers, but I guess a model similar to the European Union and their passenger compensation clauses would suffice. Either way, they need to above and beyond their current efforts of mediocrity.

Walk to Hawaii


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