Giada De Laurentiis Gets Me All Hot and Bothered In Redbook

by Gabriel Hummel on January 14, 2011


Giada De Laurentiis has moved beyond her massive forehead and straight into my pants with her latest interview in Redbook.

She talks about the boring nonsense, like having a husband at home who is too insecure to relish in riding the gravy train that his wife’s endless cash flow, causing her to downplay her money pool that she swims in everyday.


Apparently she can fill the role of mother and wife quite well, even her husband’s penis-less job of designing clothes for such hipster dives as Anthropologie. One can only wonder if this same emasculated man can deal with Giada when she comes over to my house to help me clean up an Italian meal gone horribly wrong.


My true love for this woman was culminated after she said, “All men want to be treated like kings in a relationship.” She goes on to spike my manhood by saying that if women don’t indulge men in their king façades that they are likely to “stray”.  Apparently it is quid pro quo to hide all your success and treat men like gods or it is your fault if they jump on the nearest naked club frequenter.


Personally, I have been a kept man and it is damn cool. I would love to have a girl who was bankrolling so hard that for me to even consider the notion of getting a 9-5 job would cause my lover to toss out a roll of hundreds and a stripper pole for an impromptu dance lesson.

In relation to the king aspect, I love where her heart is, and for most of the chodes that frequent this earth, she is spot on. Personally, Giada wouldn’t need to pander to some fake persona of who I am, because I am already the shit at life and will only require a willing and able partner to embark on all my sexual escapades in and around Victoria Secret.


Still, Giada has definitely gone up on my sexual radar, toss in some chocolate covered strawberries and a Cioppino stew and we are already en route to vegas.

Food is sex


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