Cigars, Hookers, and Mojitos, Oh My!

by Gabriel Hummel on January 17, 2011


Our fair president has made a decision that has practically obliterated any bad taste in my mouth from the 2008 election. Students and church groups will now be able to travel freely to Cuba for academic credit, missionary adventures, and various near death drinking exploits.

Not only that, but you can now give $500 every three months to Cuban citizens who are not part of the Castro administration, allowing for ample fueling of baby mamas and hush money to citizens who witness you running out of the country with over 500 boxes of fine cigars.


I am already prepping my forged student ID and study abroad acceptance letter in an attempt to commandeer as many beautiful Cuban women and jungle fruits in an effort to recreate a pornographic version of a Chiquita banana commercial.


Only three airports have the ability to charter to Cuba currently, that being New York City, Los Angeles, and Miami. I am left wondering as to when Delta will step their in flight service game up and offer a full Cuban experience on a plane, complete with a jungle adventure and copious amounts of rum.


It’s no surprise to find that Cuban’s are not exactly pleased about the developments. Many of them are seeking democracy and an opportunity to seek refuge in America, though they are not permitted from entering the US even as students or church groups. Even that one kid with that one photo is completely out of luck and stuck scything sugar cane on the fields.


Hopefully the Cuba will be a good time, and all the future adventures I have there will look something like Indiana Jones and Miami Heat. Hell, if that happens, my life will be the epitome of awesomeness.

Cuban sandwiches are delicious


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