XXX Adults-Only Flights Get New Wings

by Gabriel Hummel on February 4, 2011

no-children-sign-airplane

Let me be clear

I love little kids. Those little rascals from the ages of 5 and up want nothing more from life than to have fun, get naked, and go on an adventure, pretty much the same life I live but with more erotica involved.

That being said, I hate babies. Yes, you heard me right, I fucking hate babies.

BabiesSuck1

I don’t care if the little piss-ant looks like a combination of Scarlet Johansson and Sean Connery’s offspring, I don’t want the damn thing anywhere near me. Most of my interactions with babies have involved pissing, shitting, and crying, all three of which are things that I don’t hold to dearly to my heart. Since babies sole purpose in life is to perform these three functions, I want absolutely nothing to do with them, and that especially includes the confines of an aircraft vessel.

Apparently the stand by flight gods have heard my prayer with British Airways, Virgin Atlantic, and Emirates airlines considering the idea of having child free zones on airplanes and even child-free flights complete with an utter lack of baby changing stations and a drastic increase in condoms and hard drugs.

virgin-slut-airlines

Nay-Sayers will attest that people should suck it up and deal with the little buggers, that children crying is a fact of life. I do not contest this fact, but if I can add another place to the list of locations that I frequent where I don’t have to hear the primordial scream of a teething three year old is another airline that I will gladly perform fellatio on their CEO.

I love it, and I can only hope that my next flight will be child free or equipped with an infant catapult that I can use at a moment’s discretion. Who knows, maybe I’ll even get a statue erected in my honor for launching enough infants at nearby ducks and drunk idiots in first class.

baby-catapult

Babies were born to be catapulted

Gabriel

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