US Creates Rail Plan and Gets Crowned Government of the Year

by Gabriel Hummel on February 11, 2011


Are we in Japan?

Do you see girls running around in role-playing outfits making peace signs while eating candy sushi?


No friends, we are still in America, only this time we have a high flue ant rail system that makes Stephen Hawking’s play room look like fisher price toys.

President Barack Obama has called for a six year $53 billion dollar master plan for a new high-speed rail that will encompass the entire United States, creating new jobs and actually spending our tax dollars on something that has entertainment value.

Before I can get excited about christening one of these fair vessels and giving a whole new meaning to the phrase, “faster than a speeding bullet”, additional funding will be needed in order to get the ball rolling effectively.


Getting back into the mindset of a 5 year old with a new Lego set, the high speed rails will travel at a blistering 250 mph and literally allow one to travel from New York to Miami, up to LA, and back to Boston.

The majority of the government is getting a hard on for this plan because they know that it will create tens of thousands of jobs and allow the US to look like less of a incompetent third world country when it comes to public transportation.


A huge copy cat of my cultural crush Japan? Yes

Does anyone really give a flying fuck? No

This is the single greatest piece of news that I have heard from the government since they said that I could get a passport overnighted for under a hundred bucks if some random prostitute in Thailand decided to pick up identity theft.

Loving the government


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