America the Sober: The Drunkest Countries in the World Revealed

by Gabriel Hummel on February 21, 2011


Apparently we need to seriously step up our keg stands, late night benders, vodka showers, and general binge drinking because we only drink a paltry amount of alcohol in comparison to the rest of the world.

The World Health Organization recently ranked the drunkest countries in the world, only to find out that the USA ranks 57th, behind Egypt for god’s sakes. Their Global Status Report on Alcohol and Health 2011 showed not only the alcohol consumed per capita, but also showcased the various types of alcohol that we drown ourselves in on the weekends.


Those Europeans, Russians, and UK nearly double us in their ability to throw back Absolut and pale ales. More surprisingly is the fact that America’s alcohol consumption has actually dropped in the last decade, causing bartenders around the USA to commit hari kari with a fifth of whiskey.


A serious dosage of props to the Republic of Moldova, which consumes a massive 19.2 liters per capita for its fair motherland. We have our work cut ot for us if we are going to beat those self driving, furry hat wearing sons of bitches in the North.


I need to stop writing and get back to my iced coffee with vodka if we have any hopes of kicking some WHO ass next year; I know you will do your civic duty too.



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