Why Tex Mex Sucks

by Gabriel Hummel on March 7, 2011

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People come from far and wide to the great southwest of America only to discover that the greatest proprietor of food in our fair region is that of regurgitated pseudo Mexican food, aka Tex Mex.

Now don’t get me wrong, I practically grew up on chicken fajitas as a kid, and they still hold a warm place in my heart, but certainly not in my stomach. Tex Mex is one of the single biggest abominations in the world of chain food restaurants, and I am here to take a stand against the epic shit-fest that is enchiladas covered in a bathtub portion of cheese, and birthday sing-alongs that should be accompanied by autoerotic asphyxiation.

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Chilis, Trudys, Apple Bees, Ztejas, and the like can all burn in the fiery pits of hell for their rejected Spanish fare cuisine, and I am sure that the rest of us would be better people without it. Instead of people coming to visit the southwest for delicious Mexican food, fingerlicking bbq, and king cake, they are getting a food boner over burritos covered in refried beans and a pound of processed cheese.

I just don’t understand it, and while I try and respect everyone’s opinions and tastes, I feel the need to put my foot down and tell them that they are a bunch of fucking idiots for wanting fake Mexican food that tastes like crap for 12.99.

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I want to yell from the rooftops that people should expand their culinary horizons and get out of their boxed tv dinner existence. I promise that once you get over the fact that you are eating raw fish or braised beef tongue you will practically have to go back to AA for sexual addiction relapse.

Please avoid all renditions of fajitas, enchiladas, burritos, tacos, and other wolf in sheep’s clothing food fare and make a it a point to eat delicious food that isn’t just fucking terrible for you and your soul.

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If that means stepping out of your comfort zone bubble for a few brief minutes to eat something that you actually end up liking, or not liking, please feel free to sue me and or find out where I live and try and kick my ass. More than likely you will find yourself in food heaven or in the recovery lounge of your nearest hospital.

Bye bye shitty food

Gabriel

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

nobody March 7, 2011 at 10:02 pm

typical bloggy opinionated garbage. Why not writing about real issues using facts and figures? This is just forcing your opinion down readers throats about fast food…who cares? It was probably inspired by one bad experience and now you are trying to retaliate on your blog. You didn’t even mention tacobell. Keep trying though.

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Gabriel Hummel March 9, 2011 at 4:26 am

@nobody

Here’s a lovely fact and figure. You sir, are a dumbass

Love

Gabriel

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El Gringo Rumbero March 22, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Thank you! I love Mexican food. Tex-Mex is not Mexican. Tex-Mex is to Mexican food what Egg Noodles and Ketchup is to Italian food. It’s pure unadulterated, processed, noxious garbage. I came to Dallas and, after hearing all these people gush over the delicious Tex-Mex food here, went straight to one of the local Tex-Mex places for lunch. Little did I know I was going to be served a plate of lukewarm feces.

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Gabriel Hummel March 25, 2011 at 7:24 pm

@El Gringo

What the hell do Gringos know about anything?

Spot on mate

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I have answers April 10, 2011 at 5:49 pm

While Tex-Mex is pure shit American food, apparently gringos know enough that, well basically all the non-gringos south of the border are f’n leaving their homelands to come up here and ‘learn whatever the fuck gringos know that makes their societies actually function’.

Even if it comes at the price of shitass Tex-Mex, which is usually served by non-gringos from south of the border. See the issue here?

Tex-Mex = bad. Dumbasses that eat it = worse. Making stupid gringo comments and not being honest about cultural issues that are WAAAY fucking worse that Tex-Mex = dumber than the shit that comes out a person’s ass who ate Tex-Mex.

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Gabriel Hummel April 12, 2011 at 10:11 pm

@I have

Hell fucking yes

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marteen February 15, 2012 at 8:26 am

You guys slamming tex mex are fools. Pure and simple.

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Guy who's about to go get some real Tex-Mex March 31, 2012 at 7:59 pm

You’re right when it comes to substance. The fast-casual chain style, of which what you are describing is perhaps its most important offering, is generally crap. However, you are misusing the word Tex-Mex. Real Tex-Mex is a cuisine all its own, not a crappy version of Mexican food. While I’m a South(east)ern barbecue guy myself, Much of the delicious barbecue you describe is Tex-Mex influenced. In addition to fajitas, nachos, and chimichangas, there is chili (the dish, not the pepper), a Tex-Mex creation. Tex-Mex is not a corporate fast food Americanized bastard version of Mexican food. It is a cuisine that combines traditional Texan and Mexican foods. Texas food is itself an extension of Southern cuisine, which nobody who knows jack shit about food would say is bad. So Tex-Mex is the natural result of the merge, but we have gotten into the habit of calling any bad Americanized Mexican food Tex-Mex.

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