Bollocks My Knickers, it’s a Royal Wedding

by Gabriel Hummel on March 31, 2011

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Ah London, pubs, fish and chips, dogging in the park, and enough wedding cake to make a fat kid cry. Or at least this is the case for Kate Middleton and Prince Williams’s pending consummation of their marriage.

Everyone around the world, especially the UK, are chiming about what is sure to be the wedding of the decade for many aspiring gold diggers and wannabe fresh princes, but all I really give a damn about is the cake.

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The main cake at the wedding Is going to be a fruity, floral decadent masterpiece and the prince demanded that there be a chocolate biscuit cake to remind him of his youth and how far he has come before he plows the night away.

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These cakes are being made by Fiona Cairns, who apparently is hot shit in the world of pastries and has made such magnificent desserts for the Beatles and other dead celebrities. Apparently there will be 16 different blooms and types of foliage on the cake, each with a symbolic meaning that no one will care about as their stuff their face and get hammered on copious amounts of top shelf booze.

April 29th couldn’t come sooner for this jolly ol’ chap. I look forward to the sex, drugs, and rock and roll that will come of the party to be and of course the insidious amounts of novelty occurrences that will take place at the after party, which will be taking place at my 700 sq ft apartment.

Just please fix up your teeth and look dashing before we saber any champagne.

Charlie Ho

Gabriel

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

nikoleta May 1, 2011 at 4:35 pm

hi how are u happy royal wedding 2011 look good t.v….

Reply

Gabriel Hummel May 2, 2011 at 9:30 pm

@Nikoleta

Honestly, I don’t give two shits about the royal couple, I just want to eat their cake.

Cheers

Gabriel

Reply

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